How many avengers does it take to fix a car?
by T.M.Names
Summary: If you have ever wondered what would happen if someone's car broke down and a superhero showed up to fix it then you have come to the right place! Should feature all avengers plus a few other super secret characters *cough* batman *cough* Read if you like weird stuff that's funny but makes no sense :D
1. Chapter 1

Hey, so I wrote this as a drabble for a friend, but then it turned out really hilarious so thought I would adapt to a fan fiction. It is random, makes little sense and may involve some Hawkeye mocking. But it should be funny so hope you all enjoy :D P.S. I don't own any of the avengers , but one of these days . . .

Cheryl's car had never broken down before. It was unfortunate that it chose to break down right when she was on her way to a really important birthday party. She sighed, hopefully she could get this fixed and make it in time.

"Hello, what's your emergency?"

"Hi, my car just broke down."

"Did you just say that aliens are attacking you!?"

"What? No!"

"Oh my god! It's like the new York battle all over again!"

"What? Look my car broke down, that's it –"

"They have massive machine guns powered by alien energy!?"

"What? How could you possibly get that from "look, my car broke down" "

"They have a battle space ship and skeleton army and are holding you hostage!"

"NO!"

"Don't worry, I'll get help! I swear!"

"No, look what the hell are you-"The emergency service person had already hung up.

Damn, there was no way she was going to make it to this party on time.

* * *

"I thought there were aliens?" The man was dressed in a blue and American flag print suit with a shield and battle helmet.

"A weird misunderstanding," sighed Cheryl, "Do you know how to fix a car engine?"

* * *

"I can't find the source of the problem," the superhero slid out from underneath the car again with even more grease on his face. His helmet and shield were discarded beside the car.

"So you can save the world but you can't fix an engine? You're a rubbish superhero."

"Now you're just being mean," Captain America, or Steve as he'd said he was, called out from under the car.

"Well I've been standing here in the sun for four hours because some call person sent a superhero instead of the RAC rescue!"

"Well I didn't ask to get dragged out here! I was on my day off!"

"Oh right, what getting a superhero pedicure!"

"No!"

"Well what do superheroes do on their days off?!"

"I . . . went to the cinema."

Cheryl had expected a response like "weight lifting" or "helping dying orphans".

"Em . . . what did you see?"

"Something called Monsters Inc., it was weird."

"That film is awesome!"

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Steve tried to sit up to protest, but hit his head off the underside of the car.

"But it's awesome!"

"I really can't fix your car," said Steve finally sliding out from underneath, "I'll make a call, a friend of mine should be able to fix it."

* * *

Okay, hope you liked it, let me know if you did :D


	2. Chapter 2

People actually reviewed this! :D Thanks to anyone who reviewed, followed or favourited this. It was a nice bit of happieness between the darkness of prelim results. Anyhow, some chapters posted are going to be really short (they just turned out that way) but if it's short then I'll just upload another chapter really quickly, kay? :D P.S. Don't own avengers, but if all goes to plan . . .

"I thought Tony was coming!"  
"Nope, he said he was busy, so he sent me instead," Hawkeye miserably fished around inside the bonnet of the car, "I'm always second choice."  
"That's not true . . ." Steve had the awkward face of someone trying to tell a really unconvincing lie.  
Hawk eye looked up from the car bonnet with a sad expression, "Yes it is. All the other avengers have movies, except me."  
"Black widow doesn't," Steve tried to reassure him.  
"But she was a main character in Iron man two, I only got a tiny part in Thor," the superhero looked close to tears.  
"But, it was a good part."  
"No it wasn't! It wasn't even integral to the main story line!"  
"Well, you're better at fixing cars than Steve is," said Cheryl looking up from her phone.  
"No I'm not, I'm stuck, I can't figure out what the problem is either," Hawkeye sat down dejectedly beside the car, "I'm nothing more than a failure."  
"This is hopeless," said Cheryl receiving yet another text asking where she was.  
"I'll call someone else," said Steve.

Sorry, very short, but hope enjoyed (poor Hawkeye), next chap will be posted very soon to make up for it :D


	3. Chapter 3

4 reviews guys! :D This is awesome, feel so special :D Anyhow short again, but I think still funny? :D Hope you enjoy, the first secret character arrives . . . (plus don't own avengers, but someday soon . . .)

"Batman no one wants you here!" said Steve.

"I thought it was a superhero emergency!"

"I said car trouble, and I phoned Iron Man!"

"Oh, he's busy, I just wanted to show off my awesome new gadget, "The Bat Attack"!"

"You're pathetic," said Cheryl, "Does no one, absolutely no one know how to fix a car!"

"Em, no, not really," said Batman dejectedly.

"Don't worry; at least you got your own movie franchise," said Hawkeye.

"Oh god."


	4. Chapter 4

Super short, am sorry, update tomorow, will be longer, still don't own avengers :'(

* * *

"Who invited the Hulk! Who honestly thought that was a good idea!" Steve glared at the other two crime fighters. Hawkeye slowly raised a hand, "Why Clint, just why?!"


	5. Chapter 5

You guys are aweosme! You actually read/liked/reviewed/followed/favourited this! :D It makes my heart warm (which is a tricky thing if you live in Scotland). Anyhow got a review suggesting I include some x-men. Great idea, it hadn't even crossed my mind, and I love the x-men (I wonder how much damage wolverine would cause trying to fix a car . . .) Should be a few longer chapters now. Hope you enjoy :D

* * *

In the distance the recently summoned Thor was now battling the Hulk.

"I really wanted to go to the party," said Cheryl miserably.

"I was going to go see Oz the great and powerful," said Steve even more miserably.

Batman was practicing with his new "bat attack" weapon (it was just a boomerang with a bat symbol on it).

Hawkeye was carefully drawing a forever alone symbol on the back of his hand.

"It probably wouldn't have been that good," said Cheryl.

"I come from a time when TV in colour was state of the art; it was going to be brilliant."

"Well at least you can catch it again," said Cheryl. Unlike my party she thought bitterly.

"Yeah, but I was really looking forward to it." He looked almost as miserable as Hawkeye.

"Well maybe after this we could go see it-" Cheryl screamed as something smashed her car window.

"Damn it batman!"

"Sorry," said Batman apologetically as he picked up his boomerang from inside her car.

Cheryl shook her head, "You guys are the worst superheroes ever."


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! :D If your still following my avengers themed mind rambles than here be the next chapter! Hope you like it, p.s. If you liked it or want to suggest anyother superheroes you want to make an appearence then let me know :D Am happy to add in anyone (Except Aquaman, no one likes Aquaman, not even Aquaman.) Don't own any of these characters :'( But so very soon . . .

* * *

"Hawk eye why did you call Loki?!" Steve said, exasperated as Loki tried to fix the car.

Because I'm better than all of you put together," said the God of Mischief smugly at the same time Hawkeye said, "He was the only superhero not doing anything."

"And you still can't fix a car," mumbled Cheryl.

In the distance The Hulk slammed Thor into the ground and then Thor threw lightning at him.

"It is a simple mortal toy, of course I can fix it," said Loki smoothly as he prodded at the engine again.

"Yeah, just make sure you don't get your antlers stuck in the wiring," Cheryl muttered with a snigger.

She and Steve high fived.

"I was almost ruler of this tiny, inconsequential rock! Of course I can fix a car! And my helmet is stylish!"

"Uhu," said Cheryl giving Loki's attire an I-would-rather-staple-my-eyelids-than-wear-that-look.

Loki glared then turned back to the car engine. He kept poking at wires for another few minutes .

"I am above these tiny mortal machines!" snapped the "God", finally giving up and unable to find the problem.

"Sure."


	7. Chapter 7

Hello :D Chpater 7 up now, bit longer than usual with another super secret character. Enjoy, and please review etc. if you liked it and imagine this story taking on a physical shape that you can punch repeatedly if you hate it. Thanks :D And I don't own avengers or any D.C. characters . . .

* * *

"S'up guys!"

"Get out superman, no one wants you here!" shouted Steve.

"Yeah," chorused Hawkeye, Loki and Batman.

Hulk and Thor stopped fighting momentarily to shout, "Yeah!"

"But I brought cake!"

* * *

"This isn't bad cake," said Cheryl as superman used his x-ray vision to try and find the problem.

"Well supermen always has been good at baking, only reason he ever gets invited to superhero conventions."

"You guys get conventions?"

"Sure, it's like a three day long conference thing, always ends in tears though."

"Why, what happens?"

"Name calling, fighting, destruction of property, arguing, psychic battles, oh and once someone stopped time," Steve got a fsr off, haunted look on his face, "That was the longest week of my life."

"Well at least it's never boring," said Cheryl thinking back to her usual schedule of lectures and classes.

"I can't find the problem!" said Superman.

"Join the club," snapped Loki who was still sulking.


	8. Chapter 8

Short again, but defo my favourite line :D Disclaimer, I don't own the avengers or D.C. characters :( But if I had three wishes . . .

* * *

"Guys, no one move! Ant man said he just arrived!"


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys, have been sickeningly busy with evil exams, for any Scots reading this you'll know the heart ache of highers, and in my attempt to go study in America I am sitting the ACT (Americans can commiserate with me here, Science is a real nightmare.) But am on study leave now so have will have lots of time to study in which I can write! :D Sorry it's been so long, and here come . . . le X-men! Hope you like it, let me know who should come along next (am thinking Spiderman or perhaps another x-man?) Enjoy :D P.S. don't own any characters

* * *

"I thought you said it was a superhero emergency," growled Wolverine, holding steve up in the air by his throat. Cheryl thought his voice sounded like a mix between sandpaper and Sam Winchester.

Steve just gurgled and went bug eyed.

"I was four episodes in to Justified and you called me out for car trouble!"

Steve was starting to froth at the mouth.

"Can you fix it?" said Cheryl.

Wolverine glared. "Of course I can fix it."

* * *

"Any luck," said Cheryl peering round the bonnet.

"Your engine seems fine –" Wolverine was cut off when "the bat attack" hit him in the face.

Batman squeaked and tried to hide behind superman.

"Come here, punk!" shouted Wolverine raising both fists and extending his claws.

"Not near the car!" shouted Cheryl.

"Can I join in the fight!" shouted Thor enthusiastically while he momentarily managed to pin Hulk to the ground.

"No one ever thinks to invite Hawk-eye to fights," Clint sniffled.

Wolverine was trying to grab batman who had now climbed a tree.

Loki was laughing and recording it all on a flip camera.

"I swear I thought wolverine could help," said Steve rubbing his throat.

It was Cheryl's turn to glare down at him.


	10. Chapter 10

Here come the more regular updates! :D (These will probably take a dip around the 27 - 9th, but after that should have loads of time!) So here comes the first female superhero to show up (I totally missed the lack of girl power in this fic so thanks for pointing that out). Mockers of hawk-eye, this is for you :D So let me know who else should be in this (should some more DC characters show up? Could Hawk-eye maybe find a friend in Green Arrow? Could Hawk-eye maybe find an enemy in Green Arrow?) Hope you enjoy :D Plus don't own any characters, but if I did . . .

* * *

"This next superhero better not further destroy my car!" Cheryl glared at Steve.

"She won't, I swear, Black Widow's really responsible."

"That's what you said about Superman!"

"He is . . ." Steve had to stop as he remembered Superman's ill fated attempt to break up Wolverine and Batman's fight. (Superman was now checking repeatedly that his bald spot had healed. Wolverine was not above hair pulling).

"I swear if she breaks my car even more, starts a fight, tries to break up a fight –"

"S'up, Steve," said Black Widow as she stepped off her shiny black motor bike.

"Well helloooooooo beautiful," growled Wolverine, eyes fixed on the newly arrived superhero.

Black Widow did the slightest of hair flips, "Logan, it's been too long." Then she scowled because she realised Wolverine was looking at the motor bike and not her.

"I thought you said you were at a funeral!" shouted Hawkeye standing up, outraged.

"Clint! What are you doing here!" Black widow looked like she'd been caught doing a crime.

"Yeah, we keep asking that same question," said Steve.

"When I asked you to go see Oz the Great and Powerful with me you said you would be busy all day!"

"I . . . um . . . I was, and then it . . . finished . . ." Black Widow finished lamely.

"Hey guys, Loki's playing back the fight on his camera!" Shouted Superman.

"Did he get the bit where Batman tried to through gravel in Logan's eyes!" shouted Thor, grinning like a puppy.

"No one ever wants to hang out with me," sniffled Clint.

"No, I just . . . had other stuff to do . . ." Black Widow looked like she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Is anyone going to ever fix my car!"

* * *

P.S. for those of you wanting to see how Wolverine reacts if Sabertooth just say happens to show up if steve just accidentally called him instead of Aquaman . . . stay tuned for next chapter :D


	11. Chapter 11

So here comes Sabertooth! Just a little note: I totally imagine Sabertooth's voice like Joe Walker's as Voldermort in a very potter musical. Any of you guys who have seen it agree? So yeah, hope you all enjoy, some aquaman and hawkeye bashing as per usual. Just finished my history higher exam so am on a high right now, soon to be brought down by English on Monday, so please review and cheer me up :D (or depress me if you want to rant about my terrible grammar/inaccurate characterisation/lack of grip on logic) Either way enjoy :D P.S. don't own any characters (or Joe Walker's voice)

* * *

"Sabertooth." Logan growled, extending his claws.

"Wolverine." Sabertooth clenched his fists.

"What the hell is going on," whispered Cheryl to Steve.

"I . . . um . . . I meant to call Aquaman, and I think I accidentally called Wolverine's estranged brother and arch nemesis Sabertooth."

"What sort of a mistake is that!" hissed Cheryl as the two brothers paced around each other, "And more importantly why the hell would you call Aquaman!"

The two mutants suddenly stopped pacing and faced off.

Silence hung like an invisible trip wire in the air.

No one spoke.

No one breathed.

"Sabertooth . . . Why didn't you return any of my calls!"

"Wait what?" said Cheryl.

"I left like a hundred messages to meet up and talk things out but you never replied!" shouted Wolverine.

Hawkeye began to bring out a violin but Loki smacked him on the back of the head.

"I . . . I guess I have issues," said Sabertooth, choking up, "I just . . . I just didn't know what to say."

"I just want my big brother to accept me for who I am!" Said Logan bursting into tears.

"I do accept you!" said Sabertooth running forward and hugging Wolverine.

"Do you really mean it?!"

"Always . . . little bro."

"Does anyone want to hear about how my parents were murdered in front of me when I was a boy?" said Batman.

Loki smacked him on the back of the head.


	12. Chapter 12

Hello people still following my mind ramblings :D So another requested superhero, hope you guys like. Plus all the reviews have been so amazingly nice, and have made me smile all the time for the past few days (plus totally made me feel awesome :D ) So hope you enjoy this, chapters have been longer recently, but I think hopefully in a good way? P.S. don't own anyone, and hope you all like the end scene, I was as surprised as you upon discovering it :D . . . . (ominous ellipses for dramatic effect)

* * *

"Hey dudes, Superman tweeted that this was the place to be!" said The Human Torch strutting towards them.

"Can you fix cars?" shouted Cheryl who had given up hope and was now playing a competitive game of snap with Steve and Superman.

In the background Black widow was acting as therapist while Sabertooth and Wolverine let out their feelings.

"Torchie! What up!" shouted Thor running over. The two of them chest bumped.

"Was just crusing through the neighbourhood, thought I'd stop by for the Part-AY!"

"Wait . . ." said Cheryl, "Who's fighting the Hulk?"

Everyone stopped talking and frantically tried to find out where the hulk had gone (except Ant Man who of course was giving a recruitment talk to all the local ants in hope of building up his supreme ant army and taking over the free world and universe.)

"He can't just have disappeared!" shouted Superman, "Right?"

"HULK . . . SMASH!" The Hulk jumped down from the - conveniently placed - tree and ran at Thor and The Human Torch.

"NO!" Shouted Captain America who ran forward and used his shield to brace against the Hulk. Hulk ran full force into it and was thrown at least seventy three and four tenths away. He groaned, and went unconscious.

"Whoooo! Team effort!" shouted Hawk-eye holding his hand up for a high five.

"I knew this would be awesome," said Jonny Storm as he sat down next to Batman, "Hey, what happened to your face, man?"

Batman peered up with a haunted expression, a broken nose, two black eyes and a split lip.

"Never throw gravel in Wolverine's eyes."

* * *

Meanwhile in Ant Man's microscopic world of adventures . . .

"Stay with me Ant-ony," Ant man knelt beside the bleeding ant soldier. Death was rife in the air and bodies scattered the ground. It looked like something from a sick twisted horror film.

"I don't . . . think . . . I'm going to make it . . ." croaked Ant-ony, blood seeping out his ant mouth.

"Stay with me dammit!" shouted Ant man. The hulk in his rampage had lain waist to Ant man's new army. This stunk of Nick Fury.

"I . . . see . . . the light . . ." Ant-ony croaked out, his eyes staring into the sky. And like a candle being snuffed out in a black storm of pitch blackness, the light finally evaporated from Ant-ony's eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Ant Man, "IS THERE NO GOD!"

Fighting back revengeful tears of revenge Ant Man glared up at the sky, "You will pay for this Avengers. YOU WILL PAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!"


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry for delay, but super long chapter so hopefully all is good. Here comes another DC character! So this is one of my favourite chapters so far, but let me know what you think :D. P.S. there is a great need for female characters, am thinking maybe Storm, Phoenix or Wonder woman? Other ideas welcome :D Hope you like, hawk-eye mocking is always fun, plus Ant man's revenge continues . . . Don't own anyone :'(

* * *

"Hawk-eye . . ."

"I'm not coming down!"

"Hawk-eye come down, please, look just climb down from the tree and we can talk," said Steve.

"No!"

"We're not trying to replace you," said Cheryl, "Just get down from the tree."

"I'm not coming down while _he's _here."

"Look, I can go," said Green Arrow putting his hands up in an I-didn't-mean-any-harm.

"No, keep going, this is hilarious," said Loki now quite taken with filming everything on his camera.

"You should adjust the light settings, you'll get a clearer picture," said the human torch while munching nachos.

"Hawk-eye you're being childish!" said Cheryl.

"I could use my bat-attack to get him down!"

"NO!" shouted Steve and Cheryl at the same time as Wolverine just growled.

"Clint, come down right this instant!" shouted Black widow.

"No!"

"We are not trying to replace you with Green Arrow!" shouted up Cheryl for the hundredth time.

"Oh really! Because inviting _another _superhero archer who just happens to have a green costume and –"

"You're not even in the same franchise!"

Hawk-eye just remained stubbornly silent.

"Well ant-man texted, he says he can assemble an ant army to slowly chew through the base of the tree," said Steve.

"Ant man's here!" said the Human torch gaining a horrified expression.

"Yeah, why?" said Cheryl narrowing her eyes at him.

"No reason, no reason at all," said the human torch, except he had the horrible feeling he might have stepped on something.

"Hawk-eye you can't stay up there forever!"

Hawk-eye's silence seemed to say "challenge accepted".

"Look I'm just going to go," said Green Arrow, "Arrow's getting major ratings at the moment so I need to get back to the set."

"Oh of course his show is popular, Hawk-eye didn't even get an integral role in the Avengers!"

"Right, this is pissing me off," growled Wolverine. He walked over to the tree and began to kick the base, "Listen punk, get out the god damn tree and stop whining!"

"No!"

Wolverine extended his claws and then began to climb the tree. Several minutes later there was loud "SQUEE!" and Hawk-eye was thrown out of the tree.

Crawling up from the ground he turned to Green Arrow and glared at him, "Well, nemesis, I guess you win this round." Hawk-eye turned on his heel and stormed off.

"Okay I am definitely leaving," said Green Arrow, the superhero walked over to his car and turned the key in the ignition, "Um, guys . . . my car isn't working."

* * *

But in Ant man's miniscule world of adventures . . .

The plan had been simple. Gain their trust and then destroy them. Ant man had smiled at his own ingenuity when he'd so "helpfully" offered to bring the tree down. But things had changed.

Ant man fought back angry tears as he looked down at Ant-oinet's crushed, lifeless, dead corpse. One of his loyal soldiers, crushed mercilessly by the human torch. Oh they would pay.

"ANT ARMY!" he turned to address his weeping troops, "THE AVENGERS HAVE SAID THAT THEY HAVE ALL THE POWER! BUT NO LONGER! FOR WE WILL ATTACK WITH SUCH FURY THAT THEY WILL SING OF THE EVENTS YET TO COME!"

He paused for dramatic effect.

"FOR WE WILL ATTACK, AND WE WILL ATTACK WITH FIRE!"

The ant army cheered, bloodlust and vengeance shining in their tiny black ant eyes.

Ant man gave one last look at Ant-oinet's corpse. Resolve hardened around his mouth like cement, "Oh avengers, I will destroy you!"

* * *

Please send me ideas of what should happen next :D


	14. Chapter 14

Hello! :D Far, far too long since I updated (I am blaming the ACT and the amount of ice cream consumption to get over it), been super horribly busy (just started sixth year, ie. last year of high school) even though this was supposed to be a nice relaxing few weeks before summer *shakes fist at education system*. Anyhow, apologies for late update. So someone reviewed saying that there was no romance, which is so true, I totally forgot to put it in :D!So since the story has progressed dramatically/ridiculously from whence it once began what romance (if any) would you guys like to see? I will shut up and post next bit (although put together quite scrappily with bloodshot advanced history induced mind set). Hope you enjoy! :D

P.S. don't own characters.

"It's not your fault."

"I know," snapped Sabertooth.

"It's not your fault."

"I was just a kid, I didn't know what I was doing," Sabertooth shouted again.

Black widow paused and stared into his eyes . . . "It's not your fault."

"It was, I knew destroying Logan's only friend, Mr Ted was all he had left, I . . . I'm a monster!"

"It's not your fault."

Sabertooth broke down into tears and hugged Black Widow, crying into her shoulder.

"It's okay," said Black Widow, "Just let the healing begin."

Over her shoulder Sabertooth shot his brother a smug smile and hugged tighter to Black Widow and her skin tight leather suit. Wolverine gave him a thumbs up.

* * *

Episode 1 : Loki's World

"So how would you describe you're super powers?" said Loki into the camera, before turning it to Green Arrow.

"Well one of my strengths is that I have no superpowers, I'm just naturally talented enough to be classed as a superhero."

"And do you think this is a benefit or draw back?"

"A benefit, it let's me really connect with the normal people, you know?"

Loki stared blankly at Green Arrow, and then continued onto a new topic, "And how would you describe the success of your new TV show?"

"Well I think it really just comes down to me and how awes-"

"BAT ATTACK!" The "Bat attack" hit green arrow in the face and was followed by Batman jumping in front of the camera, "S,up internet!"

"Go away!" snapped Loki.

"But I wanna be in the video," Bat man put on his sad puppy face.

"No."

"But me and Hawk-eye have like a whole routine -"

"No."

"But -"

"No."

Batman glared, but then sulked off to plot revenge with Hawk-eye.

Loki turned the camera to face him, "Well that's a little glimpse into Loki's superhero community, tune in next time for tips from Wolverine about how to pick up ladies, and an exclusive story: Dare devil, blind or attention seeking. Watch on channel Lokiisdabest48."


	15. Chapter 15

Hello :D Another annoyingly busy weak (why education system!) so didn't update as much as I wanted to :( Thanks again for the amazing reviews, they make my life and get rid of all that teen angst I stereotypically should be feeling. Also, have been writing slightly ahead so I can update more regularly, so people who have suggested superheroes I have not forgotten, they are coming :D Some of you requested Wasp come in, which sounds awesome, but am taking some time to research who she is cause I don't really know her character/story. Anyhow hope you enjoy :D P.S. the font seems to be really small, I don't know if this is just me being weird, or fanfiction being werid, or me not understanding technology. Also don't own the characters :D

* * *

"Is this the car?" said Dare Devil staggering around as he tried to find it.

"No, it's over there," said Cheryl trying to indicate where to the blind superhero.

Dare devil walked over towards it and in the process managed to hit Batman with his stick.

"So what kind of problem is it?" said Dare devil, vaguely feeling for the car bonnet.

"Em, well it won't start?" said Cheryl.

"Yeah, that would be a problem," he said, opening up the bonnet and then feeling for wires. Something snapped and started sparking, "Oops, think I might have broken a wire. Oh darn, there goes another one."

In the background Hawk-eye had been giving a death glare to Green Arrow for the past half hour. Green Arrow was starting to look really uncomfortable.

"What's he trying to do?" whispered Superman to Loki who was patiently filming it all.

"He thinks if he concentrates hard enough Green Arrow's head will explode," Loki whispered back.

"Awesome."

"Oh dang, I think I might have taken out the wrong thing," said Dare devil making an apologetic face as he pulled another bit of machinery from the engine, "Oh, nope, not that one either."

"Oh would you look at that I think I may have disconnected your brakes –"

"Maybe you should fix Green Arrow's car," cut in Cheryl.

"Oh hell, no," said Green Arrow, "He is not going near my car!"

Dare devil snapped his head up and turned to Green Arrow, "Are you discriminating against the disabled? Is it because I'm blind!"

"No . . . em . . ." Green Arrow fished about for something to say.

Dare devil tried to hit Green Arrow with his stick, but ended up smacking Hawk-eye instead and breaking him out of his death glare.

"Dammit!" shouted Loki and Hawk-eye at the same time.

"You stole my chance at a viral video!" shouted Loki

* * *

Loki's world: Episode 2

"So Wolverine, any advice to the viewers on how to pick up women?"

Wolverine shoved the camera out of his face and growled.

"Any pick up lines, catchphrases, strategies?"

"Get that camera out of my face, punk, before I shove it somewhere the sun don't shine!"

"What about past experiences, can you tell us any gossip about previous relationships?"

"Get that _damn _camera out -"

"What about in the X-mansion, is Beast really as solitary as everyone thinks or is there something going on with Dr McTagart -"

"I will break that camera and then your face!"

"Well I guess that's all there is for tonight's show, next time we'll finally uncover the truth behind Daredevil, has he really been fraudulently claiming those disability benefits?

Watch on channel Lokiisdabest48."


	16. Chapter 16

**So sorry this has taken so long! :( Wish I could say this chapter is so ridiculously awesome it took so long to write but unfortunately holidays and trying to understand and start working on my American colleges application (it is so much harder than in Britain, I don't know how you Americans do it, you are all superheroes) ate quite a bit of time, and then I just kept watching Angel and couldn't stop. Gah, must stop making excuses! From now on I WILL update regularly! But hope you enjoy this chapter anyway, will post the next chapter either tomorrow or the day after to make up for it and will start getting organised! Hope you like :D Let me know :D** Plus don't own anything

* * *

"It's . . . THE ROBIN WEAPON!" A large Frisbee with a crudely painted on "ROBIN WEAPON!" hit a nearby tree.

"And I thought one Batman was bad enough," said Cheryl, munching on some fried chicken from what had become the Human Torch's barbeque.

"Didn't we all," said Steve.

"God, Robin, how many times, your weapon has to have a catchy title! You can't just put your own name before the word weapon!" Batman rolled his eyes at the wannabe sidekick.

"But . . . I've been practicing, and I've finally got the hang of making those chicken sandwiches you like, so now I'm ready to fight crime!" Robin awkwardly tried to strike a superhero pose.

"Robin," Batman laid a hand on his shoulder, "I know you may find making my dinners, and cleaning my house, and laundering my clothes boring, but it is an essential part of becoming a sidekick, you can't walk before you can run."

"But . . ." Robin looked like he might cry, "I've been practicing . . ."

"You should listen to the real superheroes," said Hawk-eye coming up and standing next to Batman, "Trust me kid, we know what we're doing."

Wolverine snorted from where he was sharpening his claws.

"But I've become a black belt in karate, mastered parkour, learnt how to drive!"

"But you're not _spiritually_ ready," said Batman, "I can see it in your eyes, in your soul, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the true essence of what being a superhero is."

"Yeah," said Hawkeye, "It's like really hard."

Robin looked close to tears.

"Stop picking on him!" shouted Blackwidow.

"But . . ."

"You should both be ashamed of yourselves!" Blackwidow protectively put an arm round Robin's shoulders, "It's okay, and you know I bet shield would be happy to take you on."

"Oh its okay, Ant man just texted, he said he has big plans for me."


	17. Chapter 17

Hello :D This is one of my favourite chapters so hope you all like :D Let me know what you think and also whether or not anybody wants any sort of romance to spring up in this odd, unrealistic, highly implausible (Black widow showed up on a motor bike yet none of them have utilised this to leave :S Which really isn't the most ridiculous scenario when they all seem to turn up somehow and then just never leave . . . pffft, screw logic) Anyhow, don't own anyone (except the Bat Attack and Ant-Ony, sniff, Ant-Ony!) and hope you enjoy! :D

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Superman groaned loudly, "Wonder woman, what are _you _doing here."

"I come to bring justice, and fix a broken car," said Wonder woman with her hands on her hips and her chin in the air.

"Oh, we kind of gave up on that," said Cheryl playing a long game of scrabble with Wolverine, Steve, and Loki.

Loki put down the word "Zikurat".

"That is not a word!" said Steve.

"It's not my fault if your inferior human spelling can't read words of my intellect!"

"What does that even mean?" said Cheryl.

"I bet that someone was one of those spelling nerds in high school," said Wolverine growling at Loki, "You said we had to give you a twenty point head start because you spoke Asguardian!"

"I do speak Asguardian. And English, and Latin, and Valaryian, and –"

"Well I'm still going to fix your car with the greatest weapon of all," said Wonder woman, "The truth!"

"Can the truth fix all the wires which Dare Devil TORE APART!" Cheryl shouted in the direction of the blind superhero.

"No task is too much for the truth to overcome!" Wonder woman leapt over and sat down in front of the car. Sitting in a meditative pose she slowly began to speak, "The sky is blue, trees are green, the sun is yellow, puppies are adorable –"

"Make her go away!" growled Wolverine, "She's messing with my concentration."

"The same concentration which gave us two letter words for the past seven rounds?"

"Listen punk –"

"No! Don't break the board again!"

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Leave a review to inflate my self esteem and ego! Or, you know, tell me my mind is broken for thinking up such ridiculousness :D


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